TO BE AND TO BE MORE​ by H. Millard © 2013

I write too clearly sometimes, no, most of the time; and in writing clearly I am understood by those who cannot truly understand and I am not understood by those who can--and this is a flaw--this seeking to be understood by those who cannot truly understand. So let me now write unclearly so those who are happily in possession of the so-called racist gene--which is really a survival gene or a combination of genes that gives them a proper sense of their true identity and the instinctive knowledge--which may be asleep in some--of how to preserve, expand and improve humanity--improve?--no, not to make humanity better, but to transcend it--to become a new species incapable of bearing offspring with the old species.  I write for White people, and no others--there, I once again fell into the old way of writing clearly--but, so be it--but I do not write for all White people; did I not already make this clear?--I write for those White people who have the racist gene--the White racist gene--and, I  praise them; us; we; for they; us; we--for I number myself among them--are to be the survivors in a world that wants to wipe out all White people and any expression of our essential Whiteness. We are different from them. We are evolving on a different path--if separation and isolation prevail--these few, the us and the we,  who are on our way to being a new species--us, we, are the ones being distilled ever more--we are the progenitors of a new people born out of the tired and rotting husks of the old people. We are the ones who do not relish racial diversity--we despise it as a threat to our existence, and we are the ones who do not praise tolerance--and we are the ones who honor what our eyes can see and our brains can think and we do not believe the body is evil and something to be overcome.  We are the ones who love life and hate death. We are the ones who love our senses and what they bring us. We are the ones who do not fill the old age homes after having lived childless lives. We are the ones with a new morality, a new ethics, a new way of looking at existence. We are the ones who laugh out loud and who do not take ourselves too seriously. We are the ones who shout and bounce about as though we are children first seeing the world and loving every joyous minute of it. We are the particularists and the non-conformists and we leave the universalists and the conformists behind to chew their cuds as the herd animals that they are, penned in with flimsy words to keep them docile, while we have escaped the pen--we have escaped the rot and the dust and the conventions that stultify and we look to the future not the past. The past is done.  We face the sky and do not beg to exist.  We demand it, but not of other humans, for to do so would be to beg of some lower animal that we be allowed to live--no, we exist because we will it to  be.   These ones who have left the herd, the we and us, are on a path we are making for ourselves, and we consciously live to take this path--and narrow it is, and fraught with danger, but it is our way for ourselves alone. We are the breeders.  We are the new Adams and Eves. We are the spreaders of the racist gene so that it will replace the non-racist gene among the White herd so the herd can live to produce more who will rise above it.  We are the saviors of our kind. We are the ones who love that the haters of life also hate us and demand that we be as they are so they can love us--and we shout: "never, you walking corpses, you ones afraid of life, you ones who do not want to struggle--go drink some warm milk and lie down and never wake up--that is the way of your kind.”

In trying to write too clearly I become nothing more than a draftsman and I self edit and I change and I search for just the right words and I  turn out stale, antiseptic, lifeless and static stuff that can be understood by those who understand little and who will never awaken--they are the groundlings whose eyes are fixed upon the dirt where they walk and who do not look up as they shuffle along through an aimless life--they cannot see the future  in its many possible permutations but sleep walk through each day conforming to whatever is orthodox and current and acceptable to the herd--the herd that is manipulated by those clever enough to use psychological tricks to insert false images into their subconscious minds that sit there directing their every seemingly conscious and free-will moves--free will?--a much overrated concept among ant like humans following the trail of the ants in front of them and wrongly thinking that they're doing so simply because they choose to do so--ants?--and herd animals?--well, why not?--the images come unbidden and unrestrained.  The manipulators fill their brains with pictures of what they want them to see and think, and these are like cattle prods moving them this way and that.  Homosexuality, why that was bad yesterday but today it is good and the herd agrees.  Miscegenation, why that was bad yesterday, but today it is good, and the herd agrees.  And, this is the way of those who are so easily manipulated that the term herd is a fine one to describe them. They are the apathetics, the old, dead inside weak-seed White people who are now picked off one by one by the dark masses who kill them in their homes and on the streets and in the bedrooms where they practice bedroom genocide and wipe out their genetic lines and who infect their DNA codes with bits and pieces of earlier forms that should now be transcended and these bits and pieces are spread like sexually transmitted diseases and in the same manner and they are sexually transmitted diseases that infect the seeds and eggs of White people and like germs that lie dormant, these bits and pieces of foreign DNA lie in wait in the DNA of the infected White hosts and spread in the White herd and kill off White family lines and White children who are now never to be born--and these apathetics--these herd creatures--these cows--and, yes, these ants--these ones with human wombs who let the eggs of our kind be polluted and infected  with the seeds of those not our kind, they are less than spit on the ground--but it is also the bulls--did I write bulls?--such weaklings should never be called bulls--they are males, but lack maleness--of our kind who let their seeds fertilize the eggs of those not our kind and this is true evil--for this reverses evolution.

Evil--what is it?--it is what is harmful to us and our kind--it does not exist except in relation to our kind--there is no evil as an entity and evil is not a being--thinking such, is the stuff of children not yet able to reason correctly--evil is what is not good for our kind and there is no other kind of evil.  Good--what is it?--it is what helps our kind and there is no other good.  The herd ones who look like us bound off to darker lands and they try to keep alive people who nature has marked for early death through famine, disease and natural forces and those they keep alive breed more and they compete more with our kind and they take up resources and space that our kind should have, simply because we are.  When we think clearly, we compete better for survival than other peoples--but the herd doesn't think correctly--it is manipulated so our herd kind stop producing our kind in the wrong idea that all kinds are our kind and if our kind dies out that we have not really died out because there are other kinds that do not look like our kind but which our herd kind has been manipulated into believing are somehow the same as our kind. Evil are the non-breeders and the miscegenationists among our kind. We must strip away the dust and veneer of centuries and we must reinvent ourselves in accordance with the true laws of nature for our kind and not in the present image that has been forced upon us by insane self-haters who arise whenever they get a chance.  We must reject the false civilized norms imposed upon us that now harm us and keep us down.  We must reject the false religions and false philosophies and false world views. We must become barbarians again and we must smash all that stand in the way of our highest possible evolution.  Their norms are not our norms.  Their ethics are not our ethics.  Their morals are not our morals.  Their ways are not our ways.  We will be ourselves and we will not conform to what they want, unless we can benefit in some very meaningful ways.  We will be strong, but we will also be clever and we will comport ourselves to that we live as long as possible to breed as much as possible for we know that our immortality is within our DNA code and the more we spread it, the more immortal do we become.  We will walk on distant planets in the bodies of our pure descendents.

What is important in a man? In a worm? In a rose? In a bacterium?  What is important in any organism that lives or has ever lived on this dark planet?  It is the DNA code that it carries within itself.  This DNA code consisting of about 3.l billion combinations of four simple chemicals in man, and is organized on that efficient beauty of fleshly engineering: a spiral ladder--it is the spiraling, turning forms found in entire star systems made small--and into 46  chromosomes with around 20,000 genes is the essence of a man.  It is what is essential, and why is this so?  It is because it creates life according to its particular recipe. It is the engine of creation made small. Change the order of the same four chemicals just a tiny bit and the life it creates changes.  Add up many tiny changes and life changes even more. Ah, but here I write too clearly again--should I speak of a spirit or soul within and pretend we don't now know about DNA and genes and such things? --would this be more satisfying?--I'll have none of that. The truth is more amazing than fiction and the truth of existence is the repetition of simple things over and over. Life is made up of smaller parts bolted together into larger parts with flesh and bone and the individual parts have their own blueprints and these are tinkered with constantly by the DNA core code.  An adjustment here and an adjustment there and is the organism then better able to survive?-no?--tinker some more-trial and error endlessly and tinkering without rest.

I say that at the heart of all DNA codes on this dark planet is a core DNA code that is unchangeable and is the same in all organisms.  It is a simple molecule of DNA programmed--programmed?--who is the programmer?--call it nature, if you will--to expand always and contract never--it is programmed to tinker constantly with life so that some organism will be able to live and prosper in every niche where some form of energy can be found to allow for the processes that we call life. This core DNA code wants--wants?--it has no will--it is a tireless machine that must try to fill all of existence with itself. That is its purpose. That is its goal.

We humans--we White humans--we few ones on this dark planet--we, the descendants of bacteria and slime mold and jelly fish and apes and non-White humans--all that went before us back to that first molecule that lept from being so-called non-living minerals to being living minerals now must consciously and willfully evolve ourselves if we are to ensure that we will be the life form that survives all that is to come from what is to come in future ages in this spinning reality of existence in which we find ourselves--spinning?--it is the engine of construction and destruction and should it stop, there would be no movement--no life-no existence.  Praise the spinning, turning, spiraling forces--and find them even in so-called non-living things--a rock-a sand grain--inert?--they are full of movement. And, from the spinning came existence itself and then the DNA molecule, that molecule of life--that bit of matter that spins out every form of life endlessly--a cornucopia spitting out new forms made from old forms--always building on what went before--always tinkering--never tiring--always creating via trial and error--always frugally adjusting organisms to adapt to not only live in every niche, but to love the niche in which it lives--always trying to find a way over, under, around or through the forces of non-existence that take no energy and no struggle to be for they are when there is no struggle--non-existence is what is when there is no effort to be.

From non-existence--that state of all cold, all dark, all silent, all still--came existence--that state of warmth, light, sound, movement--and existence is a burning fire that must expand or die out and there is no rest in existence--struggle is its nature--struggle to be and to be more--but you ask--what does it mean to be more?--it is to be the master of existence--it is to know, to sense, to feel, to exult in the joy of being over non-being and to control one's destiny so that one can truly be oneself and experience much--it is not through the denial of the senses that we evolve or become a better and new kind, but through using them--using them to send signals to our brain about all that we can experience so that we can sort out what we experience and so that we can know what is good for us and what is not good for us.

And, what then is good?--it is that which is good for us alone--eschew universal ideas of good, for they corrupt and weaken and confuse and they are the ideas of lesser humans--the ones who sleep walk--the ones in the herd--the ones who lack the White racist gene.  Good is what is good for you and yours and those like you--but what does this really mean?--it means that good is what is good for your particular DNA code.

You, we, us--We White ones--are in a competition for survival--for the right?--right?--the right that we give ourselves by our very existence--to exist--to be and to be more and we alone determine and you, we, us--We White ones--will define the terms and make the rules and we shall advance under our own power as we live consciously and distill that which is best in us and keep it pure and unpolluted by the masses milling in herds waiting for the slaughter--who have nothing but death inside them that is simply waiting for them to drop so that these walking bags of fertilizer can serve their purpose of fertilizing the Earth so other organisms can feed on their carcasses and can live and can struggle in their own way and on their own evolutionary paths.

But you, we, us--we White ones with the racist gene--are beyond the worm stage of our evolution--we are at the top of the stairs marked Homo sapiens, and on the landing, and now we must not stagnate, we must move higher--if we stand still we will be pulled back into the darker masses of humanity and we will devolve. No, we cannot simply improve around the edges of Homo sapiens-- we must diverge and make a clean break--we must now leap as that first molecule of DNA lept--to become a new type--we are to become a new species--those of us who have left the herd and who see the way and who take the path--we must leave the old ones behind and become a new kind--and we must, for we are from them--send out a signal to those of our kind  who have the racist gene but who sleep, so they can awaken, and take the path, or not, as they choose, but at least so they can look with open eyes and open minds and freely choose life over death.  And, those with this racist gene in its stronger forms will hear us inside their DNA code and they will instinctually know that they must follow our path--while those who cannot hear show thereby that they lack the racist gene and they are doomed to devolve back to an earlier form as they are reabsorbed into the darker masses of humanity from which we emerged not many thousands of years ago. There is no end to evolution--it is constant change.  We take the next step above man, and then we must take another and another and another.  And, we can only take those steps by breeding true and by not being infected with the DNA material of other human forms.

You speak to me of God?--where is this God of yours?--show me His face--let me hear His voice--if you wish a God--if you posit a God--if you wish to invent a God for the sake of human psychology I shall tell you of Him--His face and His voice are to be known in the spinning, turning, spiraling forces of existence and He is within your DNA as He is within everything that exists for He is existence itself--and do you think that He is as the false religions have dreamed up?--He is not--He is that which seeks to be and to be more and He is that which expands constantly and contracts never, save when it is time--He is that which seeks to evolve and devour all of the nothingness with His spinning, His fire, His struggle and this is God as He truly is--a ravenous, ever expanding something that eats the nothingness and expands to fill all that isn't, with what is, and He is not love and He does not forgive those who are full of death and non-existence--He was in that first molecule of DNA and He was in the minerals before they became that first molecule of DNA--and he was in the waves, and frequencies and forces and sounds and  particles that became matter and whatever is, is He, whatever is not, is not He--He is that which screams out to be and to be more and He is that which seeks to live forever and die never and He is that which seeks to experience everything--and He is that which hates death and non-existence.

No, I will not write now as a draftsman carefully choosing words--I will write automatically as the words well up and appear on the page as dictated by my DNA code--by my White racist gene--by my instinct--dictated by millions of years of evolution that have led to me for I have left the herd, I care not what the herd thinks, I am, and I shall become more by the power of my own being--I shall make myself anew--I shall mutate--I shall evolve--I shall adapt--I will this to be--what do I care what the herd thinks?  They are nothing to me--and I speak now of the herd from which I was born--the White herd--and if I think nothing of what my own herd thinks, you can imagine how little I think about what other herds think.

 And, you weak seed ones now speak to me of Western culture--you are afraid to say White culture--and you whine that what is important is not our genes, but our culture; and in thinking and saying this nonsense you show that you are either asleep or that you lack the White racist gene.  I've seen your kind in the herd--you frail, bloodless, weak ones, you ones who look like your shoes are too tight and as though your underwear itches, you ones who start at shadows and who are afraid to speak out lest you offend someone.  You polite tea drinkers in your antiseptic little shops mumbling to each other in whispering voices. You are usually childless--you often whimper that you can't find a mate who lives up to your high standards, so you do not breed and you then die and fertilize the Earth and you are no more--you are extinct, and even now you are simply extinction walking--you are not fit--nature is going to eliminate you; you and your smug pretences about culture--you who look backwards to earlier centuries and imagine that there was some sort of White golden age and to prove it you point to some music or some paintings done in the past--and, let me ask you--what part did you have in composing that music or making those paintings?--where are you in them?--are you so foolish to think that the work of a few individuals  who were White like us was the work of all of us?--those among us then and those among us now who leave the herd are the ones who look forward, not backward--these extraordinary individuals are the ones who create culture--you?--you puff yourself up and think you are somehow better because of the work of a lone individual?--you are delusional.  Your primary duty in existing, just as it is with all organisms, is to make more like yourself so your DNA code will expand to try to become the dominant version of the DNA code that exists, but you have failed even in this.  You stand in the corner and you watch others dance and have fun.  If you are male, you are afraid of women and you are afraid of anyone that is full of life.  If you are female, you also can never find a good, man--why?--because the problem lies with you, and whatever neurotic image you have of what would make a good man. Both of you are weak seeds. You are afraid of life.  You are afraid of the struggle.  You are afraid. You are dead inside, but you aren't even smart enough to know it.  You rail against sexual immorality and you know nothing about sex or morality except what you have learned in your false religions.  You are disgusting and you deserve to go extinct so our herd may be thinned and so we need not listen to your mewling; born of your weak and defective genes.  And, those individuals from the past and the music and paintings they produced, where are those individuals in those works?--they are not there.  And, if those individuals did not breed they are useless to us.  They were no more than bags of walking fertilizer.  Their works?--they are nothing.  They will be forgotten in time--and it is time itself that you often do not understand.  You do not see the long view of time--you weak fools--I hear some of you say that you are American and that you don't want hyphens put in your name--American?--what is that?--where is that in your genes?--it is not there.  It is artificial--your genes are what is real. Culture?  I reject your norms.  What you are is a White person. get in touch with your true nature and forget your conditioned ideas about culture and how a White person is supposed to act and behave.  Go and be, and in being, struggle to be more.

You effete, dispirited ones who constantly complain that some "them"  and "they" are the reason why you are not rich, or not married, or not successful or not this or that; you sicken me.  It is not them  or they who are the problem, it is you.  You must compete better.  You weak seeds are disgusting and sound like a man who has lost a foot race and who then says he would have won, but "they" ran faster than you and you would have won if only they hadn't run faster. If only there had been no competition, you would have won. Don't expect any other types of humans to hobble themselves so you can succeed in anything.  Competition is the way life is improved.  Either compete better and win, of die off.  Nature doesn't care who wins or who loses. I have heard your voices--you are also the ones who whine about Whites not awakening, so you do nothing but whine--why? because you are afraid to be and to be more.  You want others to agree with you so you can hide in the crowd; you are afraid to stand up and be.  You are the problem and you need to find a source of vitality to embolden yourself to be so that you can struggle and compete better.  And, if you do not struggle and if you do not compete better, you deserve to die off--there is no free ride in nature.  Each one of us must struggle to win.

You in the herd speak of evil as though it is a noun--it is not--it is a verb and it is relative. It is not a thing, it is an action. Is it evil for a lion to eat a lamb? No. The core DNA code has designed lions to eat other animals to get energy for their life processes so they can spread their particular DNA code. If a lamb comes upon a lion dying of starvation, should the lamb sacrifice itself so the lion can live?  Why would it do such a thing?  The lamb should be trying to spread its particular DNA code, not erase it.  Why do I write of such things?  It is because you in the herd--you pathological altruists--you sickly, weak-seeds--sacrifice yourselves by helping people very unlike you survive so that they can breed and make more like themselves, and then many of you herd animals feel compelled to go back and help them some more because now there are more of them, thanks to you letting them survive to breed and multiply their particular DNA code.  So, you go to Africa to help the starving people, and you swell up with self-pride and you get praised for how selfless you are by other herd animals.  I spit on you--you neurotic Great White Mothers and Great White Fathers.  You are disgusting and you do not understand that your purpose in life is not to help those unlike you survive to compete with you; your purpose is to make more like yourself and not sacrifice yourself. The moral rule you should follow is one of self-and in-group self-interest and non-interference in the destinies of people unlike us, unless they pose a danger to our kind. They are to live or die as history unfolds for them with all of its famines, diseases, natural disasters and life ending events of any and all kinds. Let nature run its course for those unlike us, for there is a natural balance in existence that you are upsetting. Existence itself is a self-cleaning oven that should be left running for all but our own kind, and with our own kind, we are to interfere to ensure that we breed to our maximum so that our particular DNA code becomes the primary DNA code on this and all other worlds.  We are to teem like maggots on the garbage of existence.  We are not to help those with DNA codes unlike our own replace us or compete better with us for land and resources or even to live.  We are to take care of ourselves alone and no others.

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Ourselves Alone & Homeless Jack's Religion  

Ourselves Alone & Homeless Jack's Religion
messages of ennui and meaning in post-american america by H. Millard

In Ourselves Alone and Homeless Jack's Religion, H. Millard, the hard to pigeonhole author of The Outsider and Roaming the Wastelands, has put together some of his category bending commentaries on post-American America. The commentaries deal with politics, philosophy, free speech, genocide, religion and other topics in Millard's edgy style and lead up to Homeless Jack's Religion, in which Homeless Jack lays out revelations he found in a dumpster on skid row. Browse Before You Buy ISBN: 0-595-32646-3

Roaming the Wastelands  

- (ISBN: 0-595-22811-9)
H. Millard’s latest sacred cow toppling book, is now
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The Outsider  

THE OUTSIDER - (ISBN: 0-595-19424-9)
H. Millard’s underground classic story of alienation is
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